Saturday, June 6, 2009

Happiness Is....

There used to be a little cartoon in the newspaper that always started with "Happiness is..." It was a little modestly naked boy and girl and each cartoon had a different little line about what happiness is for the day. I tried to find a sample of it in a Google search but came up empty.

I was thinking today about what makes me happy. Until I finally get a job and my life is back on keel, the only thing that really makes me happy is going out somewhere taking photos. I think it's my escape away from the bills, away from sitting in this house doing job searches, avoiding the calls that start when a bill is a few days late. I haven't been this broke since I was in my late 20's and used to have to call mom and ask if I could borrow a few bucks until payday. I have no one to call anymore. I used to be Auntie Moneybags and I can't get used to being Auntie's Broke. LOL!

Anyway, this was about what makes me happy. LOL! There's a hot air balloon festival this weekend in Temecula. I've been wanting to go to one for so long but always missed it. Now I think about the gas for that 60 mile ride and the price of admission and I know I'll talk myself out of it tomorrow (the last day). Although, it could be my birthday present to myself. I've got to do something for me, right? I know I would escape for a while and do the one thing that really makes me happy - take photos of something new.

I guess I'll see what tomorrow will bring. Maybe I will go to church, come home and change and just bite the bullet and take off for Temecula.

For me happiness is my photography and wishing I could find a way to make some money with it. What makes you happy?

Friday, June 5, 2009

When Life Rains On You

I've been between jobs for over a year now and it's not as if I haven't been looking. Sometimes I feel as if I will scream if I have to fill out one more application - the same information over, and over, and over; wondering why as skilled as I am each interview has turned up empty. It's enough to tear you down and wear you down.

But every day I thank God that some how, some way my bill have been paid. I stand firm on my belief that He watches over me and that everything will turn up fine. But I won't lie and say that standing on faith has always been easy.

There are days when I literally have to fight with self to remind myself that God loves me, that he has always taken care of me and this time is no different. There are days when I wonder where the money will come from to meet the next bill but I cannot let fear creep in to my thoughts. My God WILL supply all my needs and He has. When you believe and have faith in God there is no room for fear. You cannot walk in faith and fear. It has been a battle not to let doubt and fear take over what I KNOW.

This has been the toughest road I've ever had to travel and I'm reminded of the poem Footprints in the Sand. This is the part of my journey where there is only one set of footprints in the sand because this is when God is carrying me. When I ask myself what will tomorrow bring I will answer - it will bring the continuation of God's love and protection and that He will continue to meet all my needs.

Life may be raining on me at the moment but I know that behind every dark cloud there is a silver lining. I know that God is my umbrella and I wonder how some people manage to get through life's rain without His umbrella.

I mostly wanted to say that I will be stronger because of this. It's not the rain that matters but how you handle the rain that falls. I, for one, can understand the desperation someone can feel when you look up one day and you don't have a dime to your name and you don't know where the next dime will come from. I can understand the desperation someone might feel to steal, work a street corner, or worse.

I thank God for His umbrella. Life is raining on me but I refuse to not see that there is beauty even in the rain for without a little rain nothing can grow and you cannot truly appreciate the sunshine.

My First Post

Sometimes I feel like this monkey looks, off to myself and deep in thought. Hmmm...

I realize that I listen A LOT to people but I rarely share anything of self, never really talk to anyone about what's on my mind. I used to keep a journal. Actually it was more like writing tablets that I would just write in whenever something was on my mind. I haven't done that in a while. I'd like to use this as that release but realize there's much I won't say for fear someone will read it that shouldn't read it. LOL!

We'll see what I wind up talking about but I hope it will be a sharing of thoughts, photos, some venting, some music I like, something crafty I'm doing. Overall it will just be my place to relax... relate... and release.